7/22/10

It has been March of 09 since I last posted. I have been away awhile. Here's the news on my life~

I had been in a very long marriage full of verbal and emotional abuse. As I was struggling to find the strength to move on and take my life back, my best friend became verbally abusive due to his life's situation. He started to drink himself into a mean streek and I would allow that and love him anyway. Dealing with my issues, and not having my friend, whom I love to lean on, I ended up just a mess. I allowed the abuse in my life to worsen and got to a breaking point when something very personal happend. A loss I experienced tore my life upside down. It was through that loss that I found my strength to seek therapy. Anything to help me stay strong while I filed for divorce. I knew that "HE" (the ex) would do everything in his power to destroy my life. You see, when you give your power away to an abuser, they become the center of all issues. They thrive on control and once they have no more control, they become more dangerous. It's like watching someone slipping of a rope holding them to safety... they panic and thrash around, trying to keep what they have hold on. That was my life. He was thrashing around, trying to keep hold on me.

I started therapy, and learned a lot about where I ended up, and how I got there. I found the old me, I had lost so long ago in a marriage that had no love or respect, only fear and control. Where did the love that was once there, go? How did I get lost in the way? Why did I allow someone else to make me feel the way I felt? All the questions were being answered by ME. I finally found me, and with a purpose, I started getting rid of the toxic people in my life. My ex was the first to go, then it was the lies I had told myself for years. Then it was the people in my own faith, that refused to support me, I let go. Just cried and let go. Then sadly, the one person I loved and depended on through so much of my past few years, my best friend.... I let go of that relationship. It was like cutting off part of my body that had an infection. Something that had to be done, but was so painful. I knew that as long as he was drowning in his drinking and causing abuse I could not have him in my life. I said goodbye.

A new happier woman emerges, and with that, a new relationship.